Monday, January 15, 2007

Something to keep the submissions going

The Toddler's Guide to Perseverance
By Nigel Risner
(And I hope he forgives me for publishing it here, but as it came in a mass-
mail care of my mother, I think I'm okay)

My brother in laws two-year-old daughter asks for ice cream about one
hundred times day. You think I'm exaggerating for effect, but I am really
not. She starts when she first gets up in the morning, requesting it as
her breakfast. She asks mid-morning, several times. She asks for it as an
appetiser to her lunch, asks for it when my mother in law is caring for her
as well asks at snack, dinner, and about 70 other times during the day.
Sometimes she employs tactics of terror, kicking and screaming until our
very nerves tremble. Sometimes she flashes the sweetest smile.

And of the hundred times she asks per day (I made it a nice round number,
but I suspect it's probably higher than that) she gets ice cream maybe once
every two or three days. Sometimes she wears us all down once a day for
a few days. Now, before you start thinking this is an article on parenting
techniques (as in, what NOT to do), I'm actually using this headstrong toddler
as an example. An example of what TO do. Yes, an example for even you
to follow.

Because what is her success rate? On a good day, it is one per cent.
ONE PERCENT.
She FAILS 99 per cent of the time. She tries a variety of approaches, and
finds that 99 times out of 100, they do not work. And yet, she gets a bit of
what she wants just about every day.

Why? Let's examine. First, she makes it very clear what she wants. She
tells us the colour, flavour, in detail, in her request. She starts early in the
morning and doesn't let up until night time. She actually hits up her father
more than her mother knowing he's more of a softy, so she knows the
proper venue for her request.

Lesson to be learned: Be REALLY clear on what you want. It's hard to
expect the world to give you what you're looking for if you don't quite know
what it is. Define the colour and flavour of what you want.

Second, failure is not any kind of deterrent for her. She is the embodiment
of the old adage, "'No' just means try again later." She puts no negative
spin on herself for the 99 times she fails to get what she wants. She doesn't
say to herself, "Oh, I've failed. Maybe I'm not meant to have ice cream.
Maybe I should just learn to like this broccoli stuff. Why - oh why - do I never
get what I want?" She just asks time number 83.
And 84. And 85...

Lesson: Failure simply means TRY AGAIN. It does not mean anything
about you, that you are not worthy or not special or not meant to have what
you want. You just have to keep trying.

Third, she learns from her mistakes. I notice she's refined her request time
to times when she considers us most vulnerable. She gets us when we are
tired or otherwise occupied, or when there is someone else around and
I'm not as likely to stand firm.

Lesson: Learn from your failures. You'll eventually be able to cut them
down if you learn what NOT to do.

Fourth, she's flexible. At times when she sees we are steadfast in our
refusal to provide her drug of choice (ice cream, before you go off to
summon the proper authorities), she starts to negotiate for an alternative.
Lollipop? Chocolate? Raisin? She usually gets us with the raisin.

Lesson: Be flexible! Maybe you can't get EXACTLY what you want,
but you can get an approximation. Ask for raisins!

Fifth, she eats like a pro. She eats broccoli, seafood, any crazy health
food we decide to feed her. It makes me more likely to give her ice
cream when I see she's "paid her dues" and eaten all the good stuff
I want her to.

Lesson: Pay your dues. Life rewards the hard working and the diligent.
Eat your broccoli and you're more likely to get the ice cream.

Lastly, she loses with a big smile. Sometimes it turns into a joke and we
laugh. So even when I "win" (and I don't really suspect I ever truly do),
we stay friends and go on to negotiate another day.

Lesson: Take life's bumps with a smile. You never know when life is
just two requests away from giving you a great big ice cream cone.

No comments: